Jeremy and the Flatulent Pear

Jeremy trod his usual path to school, being careful to skip over dog turds and gum. He never looked forward to the day. No friends to talk of, plenty of bullies though. Jeremy took a swift kick at a nearby small rock, pleased with the distance as it skipped into the road. The rock finally nestled up against a small pear.

Cat Hospital (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jeremy rushed over out of curiosity, after a car passed by nearly crushing the fruit, and grabbed it. Once back from the road Jeremy examined his new find. Almost gleaming,and so ripe he thought how odd it should find itself there. He reached toward his pocket to store the pear.

‘You saved my life young boy’ said the pear. Jeremy almost dropped the fruit. With shaking hands, he held the pear up to his face.

‘Hello! My name is Peter. Peter the Pear they call me!’, as two eyes and a jolly smile emerged on the pear’s body.

‘You’re kidding! You can talk!’, said Jeremy wide-eyed.

‘Talk?’, said the pomaceous fruit, ‘that’s nothing, check this out’.

Peter released the loudest, most grotesque smelly trouser trumpet every to bother Jeremy’s olfactory receptors.

‘My god, that is impressive’, said Jeremy as he walked faster. ‘That’s truly hideous, it practically follows you!’.

Peter looked up at Jeremy with an intensity in his eyes. ‘Listen, you saved me, and I promise I’ll do you a favor in return. Now put me in your pocket and let’s go’. Jeremy did so, and strolled quickly to school.

As Jeremy neared the school gates his heart sank. ‘Not again’, he sighed. ‘Hey, fatso!’, shouted Billy, surrounded by his three friends.

‘How about a quick round of ‘face punch’ before school?’. One of his friends piped up, ‘Yeah, that and your lunch money or you’ll get a kick in the balls!’. He winced as he neared the laughing tormentors.

Suddenly a voice from his coat pocket blurted out, ‘Jeremy, it’s Peter. Take me out now! I can help!’.

Pulling the pear out of his pocket he turned Peter on the boys. A long and putrid backdoor trumpet targeted the small group and had them gasping for air in no time.

‘Ugh, let’s go.. Jesus’, said Billy stumbling away. One friend make it a few steps but had to vomit. The others just kept their distance, holding their noses.

Jeremy smiled as he walked past the now speechless boys, and into school. The problem was the butt-bombs from Peter would not stop, despite Jeremy’s pleading. He was eventually sent home, but it didn’t matter to Jeremy.

‘We’re be pals forever Peter!’, said Jeremy, pulling Peter the Pear from his pocket. ‘I hope so Jeremy. You’re a good boy’, said the pear with a broad smile.

As he opened the door his Mother immediately held her nose. ‘Jeremy, what is that appalling stench?’.

‘Mom! That’s no stench, it’s my new friend Peter! Look!’. He pulled out the pear who excitedly told Jeremy’s mother of his exploits. Delighted that he’d finally found a new friend, Jeremy’s mother said he should take off his jacket and place Peter down so he could rest’.

‘Sure, I’ll put the TV on’, said an excited Jeremy, running out of the kitchen.

Jeremy’s mother grabbed a reel of paper towels and carefully picked up the severely rotted fruit. Maggots crawled about its husk, and vile droplets fell to the kitchen floor as she stepped outside to throw Peter into the trash.